Late Summer Reading Wrap-up & 2023 Fall TBR
“Well, my dear, just as we don’t know how long a match will last until we light it, we never know how long a life will last until we live it. And often there are factors that we have no control over.”
Admittedly, death may be a heavy subject as we move into the weekend, but the last few years have been especially difficult for so many of us that I feel like it’s on our minds. Getting older means that losses often become an undercurrent in our lives. Maybe one day you notice you’ve been to more funerals than weddings and baby showers.
As I wrapped up my late summer reading this month, I noticed that all of the books I chose this month had major or minor themes of death and loss. The theme wasn’t an intentional choice, but it ended up being a relevant one. Each book is an exploration (heart-wrenching at times) of how people navigate and embody grief in their lives and the way trauma seeps its way through each generation. All four books are debut novels by the authors.
Cultures around the world celebrate and mourn the lives of their loved ones in ways that honor their traditions and ways of life, and these books show how these rituals have meaning to those left behind even when they may be new to the surviving generation. The characters in all of these books offer vulnerable, often messy, and painfully honest descriptions of what life is like after someone you love is no longer in your life. One truth I gleaned from all the books I read is that we need to be talking more about death even if it makes us uncomfortable.
“The most important thing is never to look away from someone’s pain. Not just the physical pain of their body shutting down, but the emotional pain of watching their life end while knowing they could have lived it better.”
One of my favorite parts of reading The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brammer (audiobook) is that Clover is a very relatable character whose attempts at romance are sometimes complicated. Her career as a death doula causes people to remain distant, and she struggles with how to find love and connection when so much of her life is about endings.
“. . .it was as if (as a death doula) my mere presence might somehow expedite their mortality.”
-Clover from The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brammer
The main character, Clover, creates notebooks where she collects ADVICE, REGRETS, and CONFESSIONS as a way of incorporating her client’s dying wishes into her own life hoping that she will learn from their experiences. This book will appeal to those who are sensitive to the world and the subtleties of life that often go unnoticed. I found the whole story enjoyable as a whole and the author offered thought-provoking commentary on death, grieving, and caring for someone who is dying.
“Not all stories have to be neat. Some can be messy and unfinished, and we can let other people pick the line up for us.”
I loved Banyan Moon by Thao Thai (audiobook) for the realistic and messy way her characters grieve and move through life. Her writing is poignant and transports you into the lives of three generations of women as the book switches between the points of view of Ann, Huong, and Minh. Throughout the book, I found myself frustrated at how our society treats immigrants and at how women are treated, and encouraged by the way the women in each generation rise up to the challenge and push back on injustice in their own way.
(I realized that I am not able to correctly spell the names of the characters because my keyboard shortcuts don’t include Vietnamese characters. I’m researching how to add that to my keyboard. My apologies for that.)
“There are unbearable things about dying, but sometimes, the things that pull out the most longing are the quiet rituals you never thought you’d miss.
-Minh in Banyan Moon by Thao Thai
Maame by Jessica George (audiobook) is about Maddie, a young woman grappling with her own desire to become an independent woman while taking care of her dad during his decline with Parkinson’s. She’s tired of always being the one expected to hold their family together, and yet, she is finding her own way even when she’s not sure where she’s going. I appreciated the information in the book about Ghanaian rituals and traditions around death so that I could better understand Ghanaian culture.
Perish by Texas author Latoya Watkins (audiobook) was heart-wrenching to read. The characters are so vivid and real, and the pain they feel jumps off the page into your own heart. Generational trauma cuts deep in this book and often feels like a punch to the gut. I highly recommend looking up trigger warnings before reading this book as there are many, but I hope you will consider reading this important story about three generations who struggle to find love and meaning in devastating circumstances.
Latoya Watkins has a second book out now called Holler, Child which is a collection of short stories with the same setting as Perish.
“I’ve never understood Western society’s warped perception of grief as something quantifiable and finite, a problem to be fixed.”
-Clover from The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brammer
Additional Resources
In The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brammer, Clover suggests a few items that might be helpful if you are caring for someone who is transitioning from this life. I’ve added a few items to the list as well.
Bluetooth speaker with playlists of favorite songs or nature sounds
scented or unscented lotion for hand massage
stationery for writing letters or postcards from favorite places
plants or flowers
candles or familiar and comforting scents, sage or Palo Santo, or electric candles or twinkle/fairy lights if in a hospital
a special blanket or cardigan/sweater
an iPad for looking up special photos or places that are memorable
favorite books for reading passages or poetry
physical photographs in frames of loved ones
Clover mentions in the book that “. . .helping people visualize a beloved place was a way to calm them to anchor them to something comforting and familiar - especially when their reality was a sterile hospital cubicle.”
Grief is a Journey (my booklist on Bookshop.org) and Stories That Transform Grief Through Warm Drinks and Food Memories (my booklist on Bookshop.org)
Essential Questions: Interview Your Family to Uncover Stories and Bridge Generations by Elizabeth Keating and Let’s Talk About Hard Things by Anna Sale
What is a Death Cafe? Death cafes were mentioned in The Collected Regrets of Clover, and I realized that I had never heard of them and was interested in researching the concept
Death Cafe Switzerland - originally developed by Swiss sociologist Bernard Cretaz to normalize conversations around death
As an empath and HSP, I tend to be an emotional sponge for others’ emotions while processing my own grief. Taking care of myself is vital to recharging the emotional energy I need so that I can support my family, friends, or community. I found this article helpful in understanding why I take in emotions from others, and I thought it might be helpful to others as well. Why Highly Sensitive People Absorb Other People’s Emotions
The Death Issue and Let’s Talk About Death (a guide) YES! Magazine’s guide for teachers (also just a great guide for everyone!)
Wiser Than Me - a podcast with Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Love this podcast! So much great advice!
The leaves are falling, but only because the warm temperatures around Central Texas are making the trees hold up their branches and drop their leaves in surrender to this miserable summer heat. When school begins, and the hint of fall rolls around, I find myself reaching for books infused with mystery, magic, history, storytelling, family, and settings that have me transported to a specific time and place. I have a stack of books that I’ve accumulated this year and never got around to reading, so I’m prioritizing reading those first, but I couldn’t help adding these new books to my list!
New books for my 2023 Fall TBR (find the entire list by visiting the link to my Bookshop store)
Family Lore by Elizabeth Acevedo (one of my favorite authors!)
Black Flower by Young-Ha Kim (a recommendation from Cari Cakes)
The Last Cuentista by Donna Barba Higuera
House of Cotton by Monica Brashears
Human Acts by Han Kang (a recommendation from Cari Cakes)
The Mythmakers by Keziah Weir (recommendation from Thao Thai on Wallflower Chats)
The Light Between Oceans by M L Stedman (recommendation from Malama Life)
Sommer’s Fall 2023 TBR on Booklist.org
I hope you enjoyed all the book recommendations for this late summer/early fall transition. You can find my favorite book darts and my favorite reading journalon Etsy.